Mommy 1 - Will 0

On December 22nd, I sat in my living room with my dad and step-mother - Will was sitting on Diana's lap reading a book and showing her all the animals and making all noises they make (so brilliant!) - he was making faces at my dad who was laughing. It was like a Norman fucking Rockwell painting. 

And then I said it.

"It's so easy now.  Remember how hard it used to be - I just can't believe it.  Now it's just so great!"

Why, why, why did I tempt the gods like that????

Since then - we've had the flu for two weeks and now the kid has pneumonia and is coughing like a two pack-a-day smoker.  This has led to my boy, and in turn me, to not sleep much for the last few weeks.  I have officially lost it.  Two days ago at the high point of my 'losing it' - It was 2am and he had been up for 3 hours, I finally got him down and he was back up 20 minutes ago.  It went something like this in my mind...

Okay Sara, he's not doing this to you on purpose.  He's not making a personal attack.  He just feels like ass and doesn't want to be in bed.  It won't be like this forever.  Soon he'll be 16 and won't want you for anything anymore.

So logical right?  But that logic got all lost once I got out of bed and went to his room.  I lost it.  I can admit it - I kicked a door.  I kicked his door.  Then I buried my face in my pillow and I screamed like I have never screamed before....twice.  Then I cried.  I haven't cried like that since my mother died.  And then, he stopped crying.  And I continued for 24 hours.  Thankfully, today I realized I could add PMS to total exhaustion for the reason for my snapping but I still feel like it was no excuse, and have been beating myself up over it for, oh about 48 hours now.

My awesome neighbour gave me a bookmark that says 'Keep Calm and Carry On' and it has become my new mantra.  And - it's working.  Since that collapse, I've been handling this all a bit better (we could perhaps attribute that to a few magic pills that I have left over from my postpartum days - we'll get into that later!!)

But my friends - I think it's safe to say - I'm fucked.  I have one stubborn kid on my hands.

Ladies and Gentlemen....for our first match up of the night...in this corner weighing 32 pounds and having a very, very fierce desire to go outside...Will Sutton Lanthier.  And in this corner, weighing ummm considerably more and vowing to regain control of her parenting is Mom.

Round 1 - School - Dorito crumbs - Will eats two - Will wants ALL.  Mom says no and...down he goes for the count - in this fight, we don't count by seconds, we go for minutes.  ONE - TWO- FIVE - TEN.  Yup ten minutes to fold him screaming and kicking into his car seat. Even those blasted Wiggles didn't work.

Round 2 - Home - Outside.  Will ALWAYS wants to go outside.  Super in the summer but how do you explain to a 17 month old that it's winter and we're not going outside.   The count begins...ONE, TWO, TEN...and OOOH Will takes out his mom's lips with a head butt (cheaper than collagen!!)....the counting continues...TWENTY, THIRTY, FORTY, FORTY-FIVE.

You read it right - 45 goddamn minutes of screaming - no tears.  Just screaming, at the top of his lungs.  Did I give in?  No - how could I?  I would have wasted the whole battle.  How did I win - thanks to my sister's suggestion - he spent 10 of those minutes in his crib sounding like a caged jaguar - got out and I offered him  an option of more crib or a meatball - and the meatball won.  And I didn't raise my voice, I stayed calm and carried on.

So - let's return to Dec. 22nd and that Norman Rockwell moment...because that may be the last one for the next 2-4 years.  God help me.

And God help the woman who walked into daycare and said 'Wow, all the kids have been healthy now for two full days.'  - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - I ran and knocked wood.

Shut your yap lady.  Shut it!  Or they'll send Satan calling ... in the form of an angel.

p.s. I swear that my posts will get slightly less whiny and complainy once I get some sleep....i'm boring myself!